O boy.. i am so tired.

It is not just about my 26 AUs, i think it is more than that.
It is the kind of feeling that i feel when i am so disappointed in myself,
disappointed when i succumb to temptation,
disappointed that i am behaving this way.

I know i need to be clear about what i want,
where i want to be.
But do anyone know the fear i faced...

Why am i reacting this way?
fear that i will hurt others or myself,
or that i hate changes.

feeling remorse?
maybe i really am...

so much as i tell myself to go with the flow,
i know i hate that feeling...
and i hate feeling so weak emotionally.